Everything about MS is opposite and counterintuitive.
Everything I used to do for strength and growth now weakens me and sends me spiraling downwards.
I used to exercise ever day; sometimes twice a day. Now the repetitions wear me out. I can't walk anymore. Either the body simply does not respond or the message simply does not travel through the nerves. I used to keep weight gain in control by reducing calories. Now the limiting of calories alerts my body of entering starvation mode and I actually feel the fat layers growing. The notion of drinking a lot water or green tea for a healthy body only serves to cause an unsuccessful rush to the bathroom. There's not much more to crush your spirits than peeing in your pants. I used to actually enjoy housework. Dusting and vacuuming, sorting and organizing; it all made me feel so accomplished! Now I gaze at the chaos my few activities leave behind. But, the remains of these wakeful activities prove I'm still alive. Even reading or watching too many movies will wear me out. I can only surmise that the optic nerves get too much activity and they must rest.
I used to be The Mom. A role I cherished and tried so hard to be good at. The role reversal stands stark as my daughter is the one to leave for work each morning while I stay home.
I used to be The Mom. A role I cherished and tried so hard to be good at. The role reversal stands stark as my daughter is the one to leave for work each morning while I stay home.
Activity-sleep-reboot. An endless cycle of what life is now.
Maintaining a balance in a world where the scales are constantly tipped against me.
I'm fighting against entering that abstract world where there is only the glow of life and nature.
The reality I am familiar with dictates that you be aware and on-guard. That the curve balls that life throws your way must be anticipated and deflected.
I know I must enter this new life. Yet I still resist. Why?
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