Lots of days I like to think to myself what would I do today if I could do anything, and I was well. This morning was one of those days. The morning started out bright and sunny but the temperature was cool. The perfect day to do so many things. The buds on the trees are all coming out, there's no bugs yet. It didn't cloud up until noon-ish, and then there was a short burst of a rainstorm. I think today I would have done a little yardwork this morning. I would've started the day with the run, but I often wonder if I would still be running at this point even if I was well. After all, I am 55 years old! Even so when I used to run I could never imagine what I would be like if I didn't run anymore. I decided I would at least walk. There are lots of hills in my neighborhood and I would include as many uphills as possible. Then, like I said, I would've done some yardwork. There's some raking to do. The leaves that didn't get raked last fall all accumulated along the foundation of our house. Chris already got the thatcher out, and he already put down some lime. Today he put down the flea and tick stuff to keep bugs out of our yard. He also sprayed along the foundation to keep bugs out of our house. I was thinking that I would do some potted plants for the deck. Usually plants don't get planted until Mother's Day because sometimes it can still get quite chilly out. But today I feel like I would've put some geraniums around the deck. That's what the deck needs-more flowers. Chris has the deck all nice and clean. Pretty soon everything will be covered with pollen, and then the bugs will come. The lawn has pretty much been shot as the dogs have taken over, and the grass doesn't grow anymore. So we've gone from snow season to mud season. That's New Hampshire for .you. The four seasons: mud season, bug season, Leaf raking season, snow season. Well I guess after that I would've gone inside to do some housework. Chris does a good job keeping up with things, but you know how it is when things just need a little bit of a woman's touch. I used to call it puttering. I would just walk around the house throwing away old papers etc., moving things from one spot to another to make everything look pretty. I used to actually decorate the kitchen and living room for the different holidays or seasons. So today I would've moved some pictures around, and maybe I would've set out some spring decorations. Maybe I would've gone to AC Moore and bought a bunch of silk flowers and done an arrangement. Oh but who am I kidding? If I had gone to AC Moore I would've just walked around and browsed and probably I would've killed a couple of hours there. Then I would've come back and probably baked something. Then I would've cooked Chris a nice dinner. Alex stopped by today. Michelle stopped by yesterday. So for most of the day it would've been just Chris and I. I wonder about that life that would've been if I was to have two grown children who come by to visit. How nice that would be. Well they do still stop by to visit of course, but I mean if I was well what the visits would be like having conversations with my adult children about work and any other mundane things. To them this is what they are doing, but to me it's not the me that I wish to present to them. I hate the way I look and what MS has robbed from my appearance, but that's another topic for another time. It would've been a very nice day to just do Sunday things. I wonder if and where I would be working. I used to hate Sundays because the next day I had to go to work. I wonder if I would still be in that same kind of rut.
So much to think about as I lay here this Sunday evening, not in my comfy chair anymore, but rather laying in this damned bed in my Shalom Babayit.
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