Like a Fly on the Wall

The world goes on around me. People come and people go. We really do get a lot of visitors considering how much this life has become a solitary one. The rug in my bedroom gets so dirty that Chris is constantly bringing up the rug cleaner to shampoo it. When we picked the colors for the house as the builders were building it, I chose white carpet for my bedroom. I always wanted a white rug in my bedroom. I never would have thought my bedroom would get so much traffic. I'm grateful for the people, but I never dreamt I would be entertaining from my bed. I just lay here as the world goes on around me. Somehow, deep in my heart I know I'm supposed to be grateful.  Grateful for every breath that G-d gives me, but I am not.  Sometimes it's just hard to jump into the conversation that the people are having around me. Either I don't have the strength to be heard, or I don't have the breath to talk. So I just listen. Sometimes I will hear Chris talking to one of our children in the kitchen. I like to listen to those conversations. I am like a fly on the wall as I strain to catch every word. Chris and Alex talk about NDT, and Chris and Michelle talk about car maintenance. He gives them both career advice. His advice is a little old-school, but it is from the heart because Chris is an honorable man. He bases his career on honesty and character. His customers all know he is honest and sincere. He tries to pass this on to his children. He says because after all is said and done the only thing anyone really has left is their reputation.

So life and conversations go on around me as I lay here in my bed here in my Shalom Babayit.