Where are you?

I have primary progressive MS. I've lost track of time. I know a lot of people can tell you the exact date of when they were first diagnosed with MS, but for me it's all just a fuzzy memory as time blends all together. 

I am pretty much bedridden at this point. I can not walk, and I have no use of my left hand and limited use of my right. No offense, but I'm tired of hearing how people with MS are still up and about and walking around and doing stuff. I'm happy for those people, truly I am, but it makes me wonder what is really is wrong with me?

I used to be a runner. I was a health nut and was always watching what I ate and how much exercise I got. People said use it or lose it. Well I used it, and I still lost it. I always said that I do what I can when I can so that when I ask for help you know I really mean it. But now I feel like I'm some sort of quitter because of the way I am now. 

The story that I tell now is of my current situation. I fell out of my wheelchair and ended up with a dislocated shoulder. I had to have shoulder surgery. Well, I must digress a bit. I was seeing an osteopathic Dr, and she felt I had Lyme disease. I started an intensive regimen of antibiotics. So, evidently they put me on antibiotics in the hospital, and this combined with all the antibiotics I was already taking caused me to come down with C-DIff. Further surgery left me with an ostomy. I was in pretty tough shape not being able to take care of myself because of the MS which, as I said, has left me with very limited physical abilities. 

Fortunately, I was placed in the care of hospice. Hospice is really a huge help to me and my husband. It is a misunderstanding that they help you die. Rather, they help you be comfortable and have no pain.

So that is my story now. I'm sorry this is so long, and I'm sorry I didn't answer any of the questions that they suggest you put in your story. But honestly I'm looking for someone in a similar situation. 

Believe it or not my life is really pretty good because I am so well taken care of. I do have a good attitude and I am generally upbeat. I hate the way that in telling my story it may come across as I am not optimistic and thinking in a positive manner because I am both optimistic and positive. I am not one to complain. I am just telling my story. 

What I wonder about is what other bedridden people do all day. I know you're out there, and like me, you are reading other peoples stories. You are afraid to jump in because you don't want to sound like a sad, sorry sack of a person. You are a shadow of what you used to be, but that's just it you still "be". Who are you, and where are you?