Grudge

Grudge noun:
 a feeling of deep-seated resentment or ill will
synonyms see malice
Examples
She still has a grudge against him for the way he treated her in school.

There is this Facebook thing that I see people post sometimes. It is a question to all their friends asking if they want to stay "friended" with the person posting.

Can you imagine if we could really do that out in the world of human contact? It would be like Hey, Joe, I noticed you were kind of being a shit lately. Do you want to just defriend our relationship? If the answer is yes, you both simply turn around and walk away. Maybe the answer will be no. What then? Do you go to something like friend-counseling? Do you work out the differences or simply learn to overlook them?

I read a lot. There are many of those self help articles about forgiveness. In the word of people who try to find inner happiness, it is common knowledge that holding a grudge only hurts the one holding it. The person you hold it against probably doesn't give a shit. Purveyors of peaceful living know that forgiveness is something you give so that you yourself can be freed. Funny, this goes back to that whole G-d's Will/Free Will thing again. And does shit happen "TO You"? Or does it happen "IN YourLife"?  You can choose how to deal with shit. You can also choose how to deal with shitty people.

Here in Tammy world, it has become very easy to pick and choose who I want to surround myself with. I realize in most peoples worlds they do not have this option. I would like to think that in that case people With shitty friends would simply choose to do the walk away thing. If there is nothing for either party to gain in arguing, I say just walk away. I literally can keep shitty people out of my world. Why then has this become a topic for me to blog about? Well, I suppose that blogging is part of the process. 
With some people, you can hold a grudge. There are other people you can banish from your world. The question then becomes what do I  use as a litmus test? When a person holds a direct impact on my life and I  encounter them everyday, there is one litmus test. That would be the value of the relationship itself. Ie What do I  value more, the relationship, or being right? The answer to that will hold the key to how I will proceed with my actions of free will. When someone really isn't a part of my everyday life there is a different litmus test although it is based on the same question. It's not necessarily any easier to ask the same question of the value of the relationship. Perhaps the value is simply based on the shared memories. A childhood friend or a relative. This person holds no real present value in your life anymore. Is sentimental value enough to justify this relationship? That is where holding a grudge comes in. Why would you ever hold a grudge in a relationship that you only encounter on seldom occasions? I would not. So this is the equivalent of defriending that friend or family member. Choosing to filter who can affect me. Choosing how I will live my life. Choosing the people who want to be with me for no explicable reason. Choosing the people who make me laugh rather than make me question me. Choosing the people who tell me that the way I've dealt with MS is an inspiration to them, not a disappointment. As I always say sometimes, I am acutely aware that everyone has their own shit to deal with in their own little world. I would like to think I am the kind of person who can be empathetic. I would like to be someone who you can sit with. But misery does love company. (Not Mine!I am far from misery!) So in that case, I will put on my filter and resist being sucked into your abysmal abys.  My Mom used to say "I can feel FOR you, but I can not actually feel the pain you are feeling."
 Sometimes some people simply don't want to be helped and all they want to do is complain and be the victim of their situation and circumstances.they are critical of other people. They criticize the ways of the world and all it's unfairness. They denounce you for your lack of virtue and commitment. It becomes a priority of sorts for them to chastise you in your shortcomings. It saddens me to witness them succumb to a vengeful, vindictive lifestyle. When they feel that their words of malice will somehow teach me a lesson, I must disengage myself. When they follow the philosophy that somehow what goes around comes around, and they will take joy in their devised retribution, I can not play that game. When they can not determine that being a part of my life has nothing to do with obligation, but rather unconditional love, I must disengage myself.
Please do not misinterpret this as a one way process! I try so hard to do unto others as I  wish they would do unto me. I am not attempting to judge without consequence and I do possess the intention of reciprocity. I am not so virtuous that I would neglect to strive to be all to you that I  expect from you.

I know, I know...it's easy to say sitting here in my comfy chair. It's amazing how one oh shit wipes the whole slate clean. Five kind people will touch my life, and one person can screw it up. But here in my Shalom Babayit,I can sort it all out again.