I am a runner

An excerpt from old Tammy world: 

In  2002, I wrote:
"I run because I can"
In the beginning I ran for me.
At first I ran to deal with the death of my mom.
Then I ran because I lost weight and felt healthier.
Now I want to run for someone else.


Dear family and friends,
I'm sending you this letter because you know me, but what I'll bet you don't know about me is that I run. That is to say I run a little when I can cuz I like it. Here's the surprise. I just signed up with The Leukemia Lymphoma Society Team In Training to run a marathon. Yes, you read that right. That's 26.2 miles. Do you think I can do it? Well, I sure as heck am going to try my best.

This is the first paragraph of a letter I wrote to family and friends asking for donations in support of my run. I ran that marathon in Portland Maine October 6, 2002. It was definitely one of the highlights of my life.

This morning on WZID, my coach from Team In Training was interviewed. He is running the length of the state of new Hampshire to raise money for The Leukemia Lymphoma Society and in honor of those who's lives have been touched by cancer.  When I heard his name and his voice i felt so proud to say I know this man and I ran with him. I stacked up many miles with the other members of our team that summer under his tutelage and guidance. Running a marathon is not just about the run. It's about preparing. So often I would be reminded that it is the journey , not the goal.

I could make this be a blog about the joys of running. It would be so altruistic of me to take this opportunity to send my support to Dave. But this is MY blog and it's all about Tammy World, so I get to put what ever slant I want to on my ramblings. However, before I slip into my own world I will inform you of Daves site as he sets off on his run. I hope you will check it out and support him. He is an amazing person.
http://runacrossnh.com/

Every morning when I wake up I reach my toes out to find the floor. As I gingerly step out of bed, I wonder what kind of reaction my body will yield to a new day. I teeter those first steps and announce to my husband I can walk today! The question is how long will it last until the nerves overload and I crumble into a crying heap. But I have my coffee, read the newspaper and venture the long distance down the hall to take a shower. Getting out of the shower, I have not yet crumbled. But I sit anyway to groom and dress. After all that exertion, sometimes I need a nap. But on other amazing days I totter back down the hall to the kitchen. I ask my  husband  if he will take me out for a ride. When the outdoor air hits me in the face, I announce "this is a good day for a run." "Yes. It is."he says with a smile. "and you have some good memories of some good runs you went on."
MS is stealing my body, but so far has not stolen my mind. It can never take away my memories. I remember so many good runs. My legs working in tandem with my arms as the wind blows the cobwebs out of my thoughts. Uphill, downhill all around my neighborhood. See the new flowers come up, see that little yellow finch, another house for sale, ewwwww it's trash day! One squished squirrel, ankle nipping yapping dog, the old guy off to work in his truck, sprinklers on, is that a deer?!? A red fox, a skunk! Sprint to the next telephone pole, the sun rises over the next hill.

I see an ad for a 5k and think oh that looks like a good one! I'm gonna sign up for it. Then I remember, I can't. There is all this happy horse shit that says well at least you got your memories. It doesn't always work that way. Sometimes it does, but there really is nothing that can compare to a really good sweat when I feel like my body is being cleansed from the inside out. It's not the memory of a run that makes me who I am now. Rather it is the knowledge that I was once strong and free. That Tammy still lives inside MS Tammy. I cry when I feel trapped in this body that won't move, but I sit and my body relaxes into a safe place and I am still me. I laugh at the vibrating leg and show my daughter my party trick. Look it does it on it's own, I'm not making that happen! And I tell my son how nice it is to have two of him in the room as my eyes go wonky and I see double.
It's ok. I am a runner. I have strength. I can endure 26.2 miles. Yeah it took me over 4 hours, but you know what Dave says? Those elite athletes are done in under 2 hours. Let's see them get out there and keep running for 4! 

You can take the runner out of the run, but you can't take the run out of the runner. So, I'll go the full distance. I may have MS but it doesn't have me. 
Looking out the window watching the rain fall. Here in my comfy chair. Here in my Shalom Babayit. It sure is a good day for a run.